Angst
by Anime the Fallen Angel
Summary: I'm the slow dying flower... of the frost bitten hour... sweet turning sour and untouchable... My first Angst fics...


**_Slow Dying Flower_**

Pain... like so many cool, steel blades being forced onto my being...

Being forced through pale skin...

Being forced to pierce through vulnerable flesh...

Forcing out the ruby drops that flow from within...

Pain... like so much hammering against my head....

Like so many blows raining down on my body...

Raining, like the wet drops that trickled down the window of my frost bitten cell...

_Take a look at my body_

_Look at my hands_

_There's so much here that I don't understand...._

It all hurt...  It all had hurt...  I told myself... that it will be okay...  That it was for my own good.

The pain was to teach me...

What did I know...?

_Your face say these promises_

_Whispered like prayers_

_I don't need them... _

When we were young, you promised.  You promised that we will never leave each others side... In all our innocence, we believed that we will conquer all...

Where are the promises now...?

_Because I've been treated so wrong_

_I've been treated so long_

_As if I'm becoming untouchable_

In all your own innocence, you closed your eyes to my beatings...  You only saw the bruises... the pain... the anguish...  Despite my impending doom, you stayed by me as others fled in my wake...  

Then you too changed...

_Well content loves the silence_

_It thrives in the dark_

_With fine winding tendrils_

_That strangle__ the heart_

Then... once again, I was alone...  But I was fine with that...  I had the darkness... the silence...  I didn't need you... or at least, that's what I told myself...  Inside, my heart was sinking into oblivion...  Strangling the life...

Buried now...  Lost for eternity...

_They say that promises sweeten the blow_

_But I don't need them, no_

_I don't need them_

_I've been treated so wrong_

_I've been treated so long_

_As if I'm becoming untouchable_

I try to remember our promise... try to remember how innocent we were...  But now...

What use are they to me...?  What use are they to you...?  We've sunk deep into the deep crevasse that took so little to push us into...

_I'm the slow dying flower  
In the frost killing hour  
Sweet turning sour and untouchable_

Now... years on...  My heart is cold...  My life slowing withering...  What was once innocent and sweet... is now hard-bitten and embittered...  Don't come near me...  

Don't come near me...

_Oh, I need the darkness_

_The sweetness_

_The sadness_

_The weakness_

_Oh, I need this_

The dark... The misery... Those are what I need... All I need...

Why did I care for you?

_I need a lullaby_

_A kiss good night_

_Angel sweet love of my life_

_Oh, I need this_

No... I lie...  I hate the darkness... I resent the misery... I despise the loneliness...  I needed you...

I need you... Angel who loved and will save me...

_I'm the slow dying flower  
In the frost killing hour  
Sweet turning sour and untouchable_

Years on... and I thought all that I once held dear was stolen...  But... despite how detached I am...  No matter how untouchable I became...

Your mere memory is trying to save my being...

Trying to save the flower from the frost...

_Do you remember the way that you touched me before_

_All the trembling sweetness I loved and adored_

Your touch... after years of separation and coolness... It still reminds me...

Can you still touch me now... the way you touched me then...?

_Your face saying promised whispered like prayers_

_I don't need them_

Now... alone... all I can see is your face in my mind...  where are you now...?  What has happened?  The promises...  The whispers...  I lied...

I need you...

_Oh, I need the darkness_

_The sweetness_

_The sadness_

_The weakness_

_Oh, I need this_

I can't take this...  I need you...  I don't want the tendrils of strangling darkness...  I don't want the misery...  

I want the sweetness of your touch...  I need the weakness you give me when you touch me...

I need you so desperately...

I need you to save me...

_I need a lullaby_

_A kiss good night_

_Angel sweet love of my life_

_Oh, I need this_

I need you my Angel...  Where are you...?  Where is he keeping you...?  Please save me...  Even now... I hold the blade close to flesh... Daring all those who oppose me...

Where are you my Angel...?

_Well is it dark enough_

_Can you see me_

_Do you want me_

_Can you reach me_

_Oh, I'm leaving_

Can you see?  Do you see?  Then why aren't you coming...?  Why...?  I pull the blade...  Ruby droplets fall on to the blue...  I sit here on the floor, waiting...  I need you...  Why aren't you coming...?

It's getting darker...

_You better shut your mouth_

_And hold your breath_

_And kiss me now_

_And catch your death_

_Oh, I mean this_

_Oh, I mean this_

Where are you...?  It's getting darker...

No... my friends...  leave me...

Don't try and save me...  It's too late for me...  Find another who can lead you...

My Angel....  My love...  Where are you...?   I need you...  My heart... the slow dying flower... is now frost bitten and cold...  Not burning in the red fire of the phoenix...  No more...

It won't beat anymore...

It won't break anymore...

It won't hurt anymore...

Dark now...  I'll see you again...

....someday...

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My first Angst!  The song written into it is called My Skin by Natalie Merchant.  Very sad song, and the inspiration for this...


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